Walk the Talk

i lost my sense of reality for a moment
but thank God for His faithfulness
His encouragement
His never ending love

here i come to You with a broken heart
i dunno what to say, but thanks for breaking it

because.

i was stubborn.
i asked myself almost everyday, "What am I doing with my life?"
"Why am I repeating the same thing over and over again?"
i'm sure there's something more than this
so i said, "Lord, since I'm so stubborn, now I ask that You break my heart"
i prayed the same thing since last year
Break my heart for what breaks Yours.
nothing happened til this year
i was so devastated, i almost forgot what i prayed for
and it did happen
my heart completely broken because i've given to someone, merely a human bean [being]
btw, love is not blind.
its just that i was blinded by Satan and being led into wrong kind of love
its definitely not that kind of love i was looking for [true love]
for one moment i thought, "Why is this happening again? I cant go on"
but now as i look back, i thank God for everything that happened.
if not i wont realise how much of a hypocrite i am
i rededicated myself to the Lord so many times last year
i meant it but the promises i made to Him, i never fulfill them
i didnt walk the talk
almost in every concert i went to, i rededicated my life to God
always saying and singing the same thing again and again,
"Lord I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
...Have Your way in me"
but all the while i've been lying to Him and myself.
i didnt really give my heart to Him
i didnt really live like a Christian, as how He wants me to live
and i know i have done so many things that do not please Him
being so disappointed with myself,
i kept telling God, "I want to be blameless and pure...but first, break my heart"
"Now that my heart is broken. Take my heart, for it belongs to You, and whatever that happens, I know You'll do anything to win my heart back again..."
but then again i do not want to take God for granted either

i know, i can talk so much and mean it but not do anything about it
i can tell you not to gossip, LOVE your enemies, forgive those who sin against you...but i myself still do it
i do not want that to happen ANYMORE.
it's really tiring and i had enough
there are many more "Christians" living just the way I was living in the past.
i AM a Christian and i WANT to strive everyday to make it a lifestyle, not just a title. [yes, by Isaac Deitz]

i hope what i wrote here inspires you as much as it has inspired me to be a better person
most of all, walk the talk.