I've finally experienced the..... sufferings of..... menganggur-ing. (Yes, laugh all you can now.)
After all what I can do everyday (especially on weekdays) is to online. I could just stay in front of the computer 24/7. And I could blog about this EVERY SINGLE DAY. Yeap, you would see the same post until something interesting happened. (Which I dunno when but... soon, I guess. Hopefully.)
So stop reading! NOW! Stop pressing that Refresh button! Wait... Why would you wanna press it anyway? (I realised I really like to talk to myself. Self-debating. Weird? OK. It's not too late to leave this page now.)
Anywaaaaaaaay, I've been confusing myself alot these days. Thinking things that I should not. Struggling with things that aren't mine. And I can't lose what I never had. So... in the end, NOTHING TO LOSE! (Don't understand what I'm talking? It's ok, I still care for you.)
I'm feeling much better today after the dizziness I had which lasted for a few days. But feeling a bit down.
Probably God is trying to test me with the... little things around me. And I'm still gonna say this --- I need MORE patience. I don't wanna sulk everyday.
At times I feel like God is so far from me. I just want someone to be there for me... Then again, I thought to myself, "Gees... Is attention all that I want? I'm so pathetic."
If you would speak to me, Lord...
"For now, is it worth it to be sad, if it's harder to be glad to be alive?"
I kinda forgot what the sermon yesterday was about. Ah well.
*stops by at sibpowerhouse.blogspot.com* OH YEAH. Values. But I still can't remember what the guy talked about besides the video clips he showed. Hmm. I was feeling dead during church service due to lack of sleep. I felt dizzy through out the whole day even though I slept a while after I came back from church. Last night I didn't get to sleep like til 3AM as well. Then the pain came all of a sudden this morning. Thought I was going to pass out. And I'm still feeling a bit dizzy as I'm typing this now.
Yeah, I need rest.
Then again, I feel like blogging a bit longer. I really hope I can finish this before the electricity runs out. Again. AGAIN WHEN I'M HAPPILY BLOGGING ON THE NET????? NO WAY!!! GRRRRRRRrrrr...
Once again I'm reminding myself this -- I need more patience. YES I NEED MORE!!!!!
I sulk alot! But I don't sulk for nothing. I mean like, yeah I sulk at little things. Sounds childish? Ya...... I am. And I'm still trying to accept things the way they are. Cause I can't change them.
Then I see people around me. From church. They're much more mature than I am. They're so different and it made me feel like such a loser, you know. That's when I start to think, ".....No doubt, I need to change."
Blank.
A Little Something.
It's so hard to tell and convince my friend that things are going to be okay when she's already falling and slowly sinking into depression. Even though I was in such a state before, I couldn't and don't know how to tell her about my experience as an encouragement to her. She takes advices but she kept telling me that it's so hard to let go. She's in too deep. Though she reminds me of who I used to be back then.
I was hurt by a guy. No, we were never an item. He treated me really nice. Probably too nice til people thought that we were a couple. I used to tell him everything about my problems and stuff like that. He'd always be there for me. Then there was a misunderstanding between us. We both lost trust in each other and arguments started to happen almost everyday. I prayed to God, hoping things would get better. It didn't. It got worse instead. Many unanswered prayers. I had thought that God is punishing me for not obeying Him.
I tried to make myself feel better by loitering around the malls and just..... be somebody else. I took alcohol and tried to get drunk. Hopelessness was all I felt.
I used to have really bad and negative thinking like, no one understands me. No one knew how I was feeling. They didn't notice the change in me. Nobody cared. I felt like I was in this thing alone all along.
As I calmed myself down, I decided that I need a break.
I never knew I'd end up going to Generation Concert after being invited by Venetia. She's always been the one who invites and encourages me to go to such events. But I had really wanted to not go.
"I'm expecting God to change me that night," Venetia said before the concert. I thought to myself, "Yeah, this is it." Somehow she inspires me in a way.
I was very much expecting God to change me that night. And He did. Pastor Dave was great. It was as though God was speaking through him. Everything made sense to me. I prayed, "God, restore me and change me from the inside out." Then I accepted Christ and rededicated myself to Him. Finally no distractions whatsoever. Now get lost, devils!
It's only the beginning, I know.
He would do whatever it takes to bring us back to Him.
As I think back of what happened, I had totally forgotten about God. I went to church every sunday but I never knew the meaning of my life. I was, all along, trying to impress and be accepted by the world.
I think I see the different view of Life now. (mentang-mentang menganggur this HAHA) But praise God and I give thanks in every circumstances for I've learned to lean unto Him whenever things go wrong. Jesus Christ has overcome the world!
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I think I'm off-topic already. But then it's good to share a bit of my testimony, ey?
Relationships. As in, boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. Blah. I used to have a boyfriend when I was in Form 4. He said it was love at first sight. (it's stupid I know) I actually said yes when he asked for a chance. He was so sweet and caring. I began to depend on him alot. I found out things about him later on. I should have seen it coming. We broke up two weeks later. Yes, you heard me. (you can't hear me?) Two weeks.
Hatred. I thought that he was such a hypocrite. And a desperado.
Yeah I know I'm also imperfect. So much to learn. Now I believe in God's timing.
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Supernatural
Her headaches are constant increasing in pain
Each passing day
She cant even manage to stand on her own its gotten so bad
You think in saying there's no use in praying
But still she bows her head
So she can say
Thank you for just one more day
Supernatural patience
Graces her face
And her voice never raises
All because of a love never let go of
He has every reason to throw up his fists in the face of his God who let his mother die
Through all the prayers and tears, she still passed in pain anyway
You think in saying theres no use in praying
But still he bows his head
So he can say
Thank you for ending her pain
Supernatural patience
Graces his face
And his voice never raises
All because of a love never let go of
Never let go of
He is teaching me
What love really means
Hey People.
I DO HAVE A LIFE!
i have a life. lalala~
and have a nice day. *huggies*
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Seems like I have alot to say today but dunno where to start.
Anyways, here it goes.
Most of you (probably) know that I get worried about something easily. And then it leads to more and more of thinking about..... random stuffs. Things that matter to me but I can be over-sensitive at times. *silly grin*
Despite it all, God still loves me.
I also learned that no matter how poor, how bad, how cold-hearted, how cruel, how mean, -- just no matter what condition I'm in and how worse I can get sometimes -- God still wants to use me. And I still can be a blessing to others.
How to be a blessing?
Serving.
Serving others also means serving God.
Whenever you serve others in any way, you are actually serving God and fulfilling one of your purposes.
Jesus came "to serve" and "to give".
We grow up in order to give out.
However, everyone has a role to play. The Bible says, "Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body."
It is through ministry that we discover the meaning of our lives.
Probably you've heard this way too many times. Hmm.
God wants to use you to make a difference in his world. He wants to work through you. What matters is not the duration of your life, but the donation of it. Not how long you lived, but how you lived.
He will use you, if you stop making excuses.
"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10
You and I were put on earth to make a contribution.
Random Post.
Somehow I'm feeling annoyed and disgusted. It suddenly came and..... wow I'm stucked.
I wanna hide.
I want TOTORO!
In conclusion, I dunno what's happening to me. I'm so mean.
Why?
Dunno.
Dunzo.
Woo.....
I went to Jo and Connie's place on Sunday after church. Well Jo said she'll cook for dinner so yeah. We went swimming then. Just a lil note for you, I DO NOT know how to swim! Basically I was..... floating. Weird.
Anyways, Joey could only join us til 5 or 6 like that. Then she left. Then I found out that Venetia will be coming. So I told Jo we would surprise her or something. Haha. Yeah, and I did. It wasn't fun.
And so we had spaghetti.
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The carrots looked like sliced bananas while the mushrooms looked like hotdogs or something?
Hmm...
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With cheese.
We had ice cream after that!!! Yay!
Then we watched some cool videos on youtube.
Mmmm yeah. That's all.
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Then he called.
I felt so uneasy. Wait, I always feel like that everytime we chat or talk.
I tried to sound normal anyway. But then he asked, "Why do you sound so LC?"
Hmmm ok. I said I talk to everyone like that.
"That doesn't convince me. I think you're not okay."
I was quite annoyed. Serious.
Then he started to lecture me a bit. Like, about my life. Just because I'm not studying.
I know he was right.
But I have a greater purpose lor.
God changed my life. And I wanna serve Him. After all I have wasted way too much time before this. I was worse than now. I had totally forgotten about God for I was distracted by things around me. That time my attitude also bad lah. Don't care like that. Now I wanna make it up for Him. Yay!
Suddenly I remembered someone said that I always keep things mundane. Hmmm. Jude.
Ok.
I wanna read now. Bye.
Living without a purpose.
jude says (23:12):
what you consider as not living up to a purpose?
danielle says (23:12):
i dono... probably not doing anything... like my condition now
jude says (23:13):
thats not the reasons..
jude says (23:13):
thats just not serving in a ministry
jude says (23:13):
maybe you dunno where's your ministry yes
jude says (23:14):
not serving in a ministry doesn't mean not living up to a purpose
danielle says (23:15):
ok... what if its about... not studying and working
jude says (23:16):
thats your personal life mah
jude says (23:16):
i can don study and work...
jude says (23:16):
and serve in church....
jude says (23:16):
i can study all i wan..get a good job...
jude says (23:16):
but still not knowing what i live for
jude says (23:16):
get it?
I am NOT a vegetarian!
I do eat chicken and fish!
I just don't fancy red meat.
Ok. That's it.
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My handphone is fixed! Yay!
Ha-ha-ha!
Dunno why my niece likes to go Damai already.
I'm SO not in the mood now. I was in the middle of blogging and when I got disconnected, friggin' Internet Explorer closed itself.
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Alright.
I was talking about KIDS. Cute ones. Like Johnathan. Aaron's little brother.
I saw him and another kid building sandcastle and I joined them. Obviously, it wasn't a sandcastle but a.....mud house as the kid said so.
10 years old.
As I was saying, I don't fancy babies. They like to cry. Most of them. Yeah yeah I know. They're just babies! They know nothing! They're so innocent and..... THEY'RE SCARY TOO! Once I made a baby cry by just..... touching his head. SCARY EH!!!!! Go near him also cannot! Ish.
Kids are better when they know how to talk. Some are really sweet. So genuine. => But some may be over-talkative lah. Ok. Enough of kids.
I killed my handphone. No, I think it was murdered. By sea water. Cis.
So ya, I'm still trying to get over it. Sob.
"Give thanks in all circumstances..." - Quote of the day
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"Problem is NOT a problem when you trust in God."
"When all comes down to NOTHING God is up to SOMETHING!"
Ok. I'm better now. Huahuahua.
Awesome.
Very tired these days. Especially when this morning I couldn't sleep well because of the heavy rain and loud thunder. Which is happening the same thing.....right now, except for the thunder. Probably the best time to sleep? I doubt.