i lost my sense of reality for a moment
but thank God for His faithfulness
His encouragement
His never ending love
here i come to You with a broken heart
i dunno what to say, but thanks for breaking it
because.
i was stubborn.
i asked myself almost everyday, "What am I doing with my life?"
"Why am I repeating the same thing over and over again?"
i'm sure there's something more than this
so i said, "Lord, since I'm so stubborn, now I ask that You break my heart"
i prayed the same thing since last year
Break my heart for what breaks Yours.
nothing happened til this year
i was so devastated, i almost forgot what i prayed for
and it did happen
my heart completely broken because i've given to someone, merely a human bean [being]
btw, love is not blind.
its just that i was blinded by Satan and being led into wrong kind of love
its definitely not that kind of love i was looking for [true love]
for one moment i thought, "Why is this happening again? I cant go on"
but now as i look back, i thank God for everything that happened.
if not i wont realise how much of a hypocrite i am
i rededicated myself to the Lord so many times last year
i meant it but the promises i made to Him, i never fulfill them
i didnt walk the talk
almost in every concert i went to, i rededicated my life to God
always saying and singing the same thing again and again,
"Lord I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
...Have Your way in me"
but all the while i've been lying to Him and myself.
i didnt really give my heart to Him
i didnt really live like a Christian, as how He wants me to live
and i know i have done so many things that do not please Him
being so disappointed with myself,
i kept telling God, "I want to be blameless and pure...but first, break my heart"
"Now that my heart is broken. Take my heart, for it belongs to You, and whatever that happens, I know You'll do anything to win my heart back again..."
but then again i do not want to take God for granted either
i know, i can talk so much and mean it but not do anything about it
i can tell you not to gossip, LOVE your enemies, forgive those who sin against you...but i myself still do it
i do not want that to happen ANYMORE.
it's really tiring and i had enough
there are many more "Christians" living just the way I was living in the past.
i AM a Christian and i WANT to strive everyday to make it a lifestyle, not just a title. [yes, by Isaac Deitz]
i hope what i wrote here inspires you as much as it has inspired me to be a better person
most of all, walk the talk.
Walk the Talk
Hey...
HUGE disappointment. enough said.
dear human beans [beings]
sorry for scaring you [if i did]
and just to let you know, i was NOT demon-possessed [don worry]
yes, i'll be fine [if you continue praying for me, pls?]
it has been a great week indeed. [crazy week indeed]
well, i was in the process of recovering from a trauma. . .
then another stress came in
and it was too unbearable. . .[it got the better of me] [really]
so i had to scream my lungs out [its not out yet]
for now i'm back to square one
starting the process all over again
this time with GREATER HOPE [muahahahahaha]
the devil shall not touch me
all the trust i put in you, has gone to waste
all the hope that i once had, *snaps* gone.
but thanks to you
life is even more meaningful now
The world you painted was new
The colors were so alive
Took a lie and made it true
A final touch and then right into the painting you dive
Whenever did it all happen
That one color after another seems to fade
Now the sky is carved with a coalpen
It's all gray despite the effort you made
I know You’re always throwing kisses from the sky
Tonight I caught one
Sixteen years old
I dare to swim further out
I know You’re always throwing kisses from the sky
Tonight I caught one
"Midnight"
Fast lane, sane, insane this world is running
And I'm walking with a cane
Seek, seek you can be unique
But whatever you do don't let your inside out
But I've got to take a leak
And I know You're alive
And you know I will always try
I could never care less about
What this world has to offer if the price is to die
I'll keep my human spirit alive
Man I'm so weak
Come on over here I'll let you have a peek
Inside my heart cause you're the one I seek
I know I'm slow but wherever I go
I hear your steps echo
And I know You're alive
And I'll give my heart to survive
This world has nothing to offer a human soul
Reaching for the sky
So Father of light
Keep my human spirit alive
Will I try to hide away in the secret space of my heart
Will I try in time
Will I try with my feet on the ground of shadows
But my hands towards the light
Will I try in time
Your eyes
Are always there
Your eyes
Are what I came for
Your eyes
Drive away my fear
Your eyes
I could just stand there and adore
Stop just right there
Everything has to stop to steal time
For whom I want to be near
Yes I do care and I love the love we share
And I know You're alive
I'll give my heart to survive
This world has nothing to offer a human soul
Reaching for the sky
So Father of light
Keep this human spirit alive
Will I try...
Seems there is nothing to remind me of peace down here
So how come that all I feel is joy
no more teasings, no more questions
i admit that i'm getting more annoyed than ever
still, the fault is mine
and i just dunno what to do about it
i do not want to explain everything from a-z to EACH person who asks
no way, i had enough of that
i guess i'll just do what i can at the moment
i'm not trying to be emo, man. woman. boy. girl. kid. grar
this is just the way i am
i can be funny if i want, but i chose not to
because i'm mean
after 19 years of mistakes, i've decided that i want to be somebody
somebody who can make a difference
somebody who can confuse the heck out of you! kidding.
how about...somebody who can provoke your mind..with words not my own but from God
hmmm...why
because life is SO MUCH MORE than that
more than just "living life to the fullest"
more than just calling ourselves Christians when some of us lives just like the ppl outside the church
more than just living for ourselves.....well, you know what i'm talking about and prolly you know better than me so i'll leave it at that
to the ppl who call themselves Christians, it is written in the good book that we do not make any vows to God if we're not gonna walk the talk
i have made a lot of promises to God and not fulfill it....i still feel bad but i bet God felt worse
nevertheless, His love never fails to encourage me
i have failed myself so terribly that there were times when i wasnt looking forward to life anymore
devastated, but i'm lifted up again by these beautiful hands that i'm not worthy to hold
=)
smile
even when it's hurting...
so what can i say
what can i do
but offer this heart O God
completely to You
i'm falling again
are you contented?
if you are, how contented are you?
just how contented can one human be?
i want to be more than just fine
more than OK
how long will i stop lying to myself?
how long will i stop running away from problems?
enough is enough
i know it'll be harder for me if i keep going on like this
i kept saying, "i trust Him. i will wait on Him."
but i always end up being a hypocrite
and i wonder.....have You given up on me yet?
will i make it through?
will the Savior keep me above the surface?
Thinking that it all just might fade away
I'm terrified to fall 'cause I stepped out today
Sinking 'cause I know, I know I think too much
Save me, Jesus save me
thoughts running through my head
well... i am sad... and angry...
like man...i've never felt so disappointed before
and sometimes i just dunno what i want anymore
it's annoying
i have to live with this for the rest of my life
but no, i pray that it'll leave me alone...
cos i just can't take it anymore
i hope you ppl will THINK before you promise anyone ANYTHING
especially those big promises
argh
like...if you're NOT READY for a commitment/responsibility, DON'T get into a relationship
that's all i can say
or else both of you will be heading into different directions
and in the end it will hurt. it will HURT.
for goodness sake
we need to GROW UP
Lord i do not know where You will lead us
i do not know what will happen in the future
but i know it is in Your hands
and i want to surrender all to You
i would do ANYTHING to get out of this mess and start anew
help me to forgive, most of all
and i'll cling unto Your promises that i will make it through
HELP ME TO FOCUS!!!
i trust you...
but sometimes i just cant help it but question alot
sorry...
Love is in the air tonight...so just breathe
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
I washed my wounds with tears of hope.
I thought about fire in the sky
I thought about fire
I thought about love burning in your eye
I thought about fire
I thought about a burning fire
I thought about a love in fire
I thought about your love, yeah
I thought about your love
and I admit that I was only waiting for the right time
right moment for you to look away
though you never did I pretended for a while
so I could walk where I don't belong
your eyes they tried to search for mine
but I look away
Please come closer
Cause I don't even touch you anymore
I cant explain or understand
I just love you
But then again how come my shoes are so light
How come I can walk for miles
And still just love you
You're watching over me
Emmanuel
Search me through and through
‘Till my heart becomes a home for You