as I was reading His Word this morning, suddenly I was so scared almost trembling almost brought me to tears
the fear and guilt were overwhelming
for a moment I couldn't speak, just stared into space
the only thing I could think of is ...His will be done
nothing else.
but I wasn't looking forward to life...to future
I was afraid of seeing God face to face
and for the first time I was afraid of heaven
I just remember myself saying,
I'm a sinner. God, I've sinned against you.
I've sinned so much. So much... I can't turn back.
Do whatever You want to me. I deserve it.
In my heart I know He was saying,
I love you.
Why? Why a sinner like me? Why?
Because I AM.
I am love.
It was clear.
His greatest power is LOVE, not to punish me.
this song, Majesty, played during prayer meeting just now.
me, on laptop as usual
others were singing but I read through the lyrics iin the chorus
Jesus who died, now glorified
King of all kings
then it hit me. Jesus died. for me. for my sins.
suddenly the burden feels much lighter as WGK shared this verse
Matthew 11:28-30
Perfect.
yes. you know who it is.
yep. i like to draw her. cos she rocks.
notice there's a before and after.
a bit of shading can make a big difference...thats why i love pencils...and colored ones...together they make this world a better place to live in...
special thanks to rowena, yvonne, eilvane, pauline, and candy! muah! i'm blessed~
oh oh...i dunno why i just have to say this.
i love Peterpan, the indonesian band.
yep, it rhymes. rar
of suspense... jeng jeng jeng
i bought something cute. like...really cute.
i post the pic later...hehe
you know what.
i choose to overcome evil with good.
nyeh.
i choose to LOVE.
thank God for His Word.
words that are LIFE.
He humbles me...
and i shall obey.
40 days fast and pray for the nation!!!! wuhoo!!!
i was the only youth in prayer meeting on wed night.
so fun. hahahaha
its fun cos i hardly get to pray for the adults.....and i did
forgot to bring down the revo posters though.
eee bobby susan you din come.....i dunno what to do with it...
oh yeah... susan sharing this sunday oh...hehe...i sapot you!
ah.... suddenly i'm so relieved and happy...
i'm blessed by my lecturer
so encouraged by mr Lo! and theresa!!!
weeee i love youuuuu!
mr Lo quoted, "your hand is your ATM" LOL
sia blanja kau when i become rich ya...kakaka
that is IF i succeed lah...
have faith bah...ish
p/s: damian pls remember me!!!!!!!! hahaha i cant believe he really kissed me when theresa told him to...
p/s: damian is only 1 year plus. theresa's nephew and his birthdate is 17 November. same as mine! yay
what do you want, really?
i guess i wont be able to understand
i tried to help but i was ignored =|
so...what?
thank you?
is there anybody else who cares?
Is this the New Year or just another night?
Is this the new fear or just another fright?
Is this the new tear or just another desperation?
Is this the finger or just another fist?
Is this the kingdom or just a hit n' miss?
A misdirection, most in all this desperation
Is this what they call freedom?
Is this what you call pain?
Is this what they call discontented fame?
It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in
When the world caves in
When the world caves in
I'm singing this one like a broken piece of glass
From broken arms an' broken noses in the back
Is this the New Year or just another desperation?
You're pushing till you're shoving
You bend until you break
Till you stand on the broken fields where our fathers lay
It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in
When the world caves in
When the world caves in
There's nothing here worth saving,
Is no one here at all?
Is there any net left that could break our fall?
It'll be a day like this one
When the sky falls down and the hungry and poor and deserted are found
Are you discontented? Have you been pushing hard?
Have you been through and down this broken house of cards?
It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in
When the world caves in
When the world caves in
Is there nothing left now?
Nothing left to sing
Are there any left to haven't kiss the enemy?
Is this the New Year or just another desperation?
Just as I could find you, do the wicked never lose?
Is there any honest song to sing besides these blues?
And nothing is okay
Till the world caves in
Till the world caves in
Till the world caves in
Until the world caves in
Until the world caves in
Until the world caves in
Switchfoot "The Blues"
--------------------------------------
My heart breaks when I opened my eyes to see ...the world.
It's real. It's really happening.
Constantly I looked at myself, my sins are always before me.
I told God, I'm willing to bear the sins of my family.
Your will be done.
Your will be done.
Burdens. They're not easy to deal with as I thought.
You're supposed to be more than enough for me.
Your love supposed to be more than enough.
why is it... the world still lacks so much of Your love...
Forgive me cause I haven't given enough.
I don't wanna be the dead sea. =(
Break me and mould me.......................................
Create in me a pure heart, O God
Let me be pure and blameless in Your eyes.
of excitement. cos the guys are pregnant as well. LOL
God, I pray that this fire you have ignited wont burn out.
the interchurch youth prayer meeting in skyline was...indescribable.
i was excited on the way there with a heart of expectancy.
as i walked out from the place, more excited than ever!
not because of david's craziness.
not because of daniel's injury.
yeah the worship was great and it made me excited.
but i told God, "no, it's about You. YOU made this happened. YOUR will be done."
there was a time for testimonies by the ppl who went for passion conference
then it was this particular girl's turn to speak.
suddenly the scene became so familiar to me.
deja vu, i thought.
i must have dreamt about this before. wow.
God knew she was gonna give testimony that night
God knew there was gonna be an interchurch prayer meeting on that chosen date!
God knew i was gonna be there!
i was like, "...ok, God...this is scary...now what?"
so what about the guys getting "pregnant"?
not only the guys. but the girls as well. heh
yes. YOU!!! you are pregnant!!! congratulations~
because you have God's purpose inside your stomach.
why stummy?
because of the virgin Mary who gave birth to Jesus = God's will.
i dunno how to elaborate on this. haha. ask aaronheng. kongthai.
anyway, it's such a blessing to be there and be a witness to this great event with other churches!
revolution conference here i come!
are you with me?
oh wow. i found something that amused me. erm. i love blogger.
anyway, cell group was fun. despite of how exhausted i was, i managed to catch what the adults were trying to say...heh
so yeah, we had this topic about idleness
2 Thessalonians 3:11
We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies.
1 Timothy 5:13
Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to.
what's your definition of idle?
what is it like being idle?
some say, "it's like one is not doing anything"
"unproductive (even though you have things to do)"
"purposeless"
as i think it through again, being idle is like when you're not growing in the Lord
like what uncle billy said, "not using the gifts that He has given us"
talents. God gives and He can take it away if we dont use or exercise it.
not just talents. there's more to that.
still remember the fruit of the spirit?
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:21-23
have you asked for the fruit of the Spirit?
if you have, it is important for us to exercise it.
i believe that when you ask God for something, for example, patience, He doesn't give you like that. *magic* now you have patience 20% from the Lord. NO! but He will give you opportunities to be patient. to practice it. yep.
so Paul said, "They[idlers] are not busy, they are busybodies" saying things they ought not to.
"whether lies or truth, they're broadcasting it to the ppl around." [something like what aunt kitty said]
"they like to intrude ppl's privacies", jenny said.
i thought to myself, no doubt. i was once like that. haha. especially during high school.
who doesnt like gossips? i admit i do. heh.
and sometimes i fall into that category without myself realizing it.
thats why we have cell group to remind each other about such things.
1 Thessalonians 5:14
And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
just a few days ago..on mon and tue i couldnt get on the internet
i'm glad i survived..hehe
ok...updates
i no longer have my own office room
i moved into aunty kitty's sometime last week
so i can play with princess~~~ i miss her...
and i can sleep on the couch during lunch break! ohmytian~
tonight going out with parents...yay
tomoro cell group at the Ng's for the first time...yay
tomoro make chocolates with cornflakes...yay
got mango...yay
got durian...yay
i like food....erm...yay
ok serious stuff..
lately things happened and i have the burden to pray even more than ever
thats a good thing
the bad thing is... i've ignored the burden that God put in my heart for quite a while... well, not really ignore but i didnt have the commitment to pray
and i must say its time to discipline myself.
and you know... i think its getting more and more important to watch out what we speak everyday..whether to our parents or friends or strangers
most of the time we speak out our minds without thinking twice
and too often we hurt each other, you see
sometimes unintentionally BUT... we tend to just leave things like that as if nothing happened when the other party is hurting like mad...
are ppl getting too ignorant nowadays?
are we blind?
deaf?
i dare not judge.
i found this verse in someone's blog.
“You can be sure that on the Judgment Day you will have to give account of every useless word you have ever spoken.” (Matthew 12:36-37)
tongue is powerful. it leads to life ...or death. the choice is yours.
Surely God has given me opportunities to do what I said I want to do
and probably I have taken 'em for granted, doing it for my own sake
Eventually I began to feel exasperated, exhausted...
You know, I felt like I deserved better.
But all I thought about was just me, me, me.
I have this feeling of uncertainty in what God has called me to do
Everyday I would ask God the same question
but I never got the answer
and I was thinking to myself if it's just because I'm not sensitive enough to His voice.
Sometimes I'd feel discouraged looking at the ppl around me, that have discovered what their calls are, and now trying to achieve it while I'm still standing at the crossroads not knowing where to go...
That's when different ppl come to give their own opinions.
Frankly, I really dislike when someone tells me what I SHOULD do, especially in a I'm-holier-than-thou tone.
Hmmm.
Like Paul said, be patient with everyone
oh yes. I need patience.
And I need to read back the sermon about How to Handle Offenses.
.....that's right
No regrets. No turning back.
"Is this what you really want?", she asked.
"it is unfair. But what matters most is this: do you really want this?"
I could hear myself saying, "Of course I want this." Without a doubt.
But God, what do you think?, I thought.
Again I was reminded of what Pastor Lee Lee said when I approached her, "the question is, how much you really want God's will to be done? How desperately you want His Will and nothing else. ...it's the matter of setting your priorities right. If God is your top priority, everything will go according to His Way. It'll be fine."
True. I dunno how many times I nodded my head. But that's not the point.
do i deserve that?
You loved that lamb
With every sinful bone
And there you wept alone
Your heart was so contrite
I said, "Jesus, please forgive me of my crimes
Sanctify this withered heart of mine
Stay with me until my life is through
And on that day please take me home with you"
do you have to return me double-fold of what i've given you?
i was like, "...ok"
as she prayed for courage, i know for most of us(especially those who went for passion conference) we have received it. even for those who didnt go for the conference, its important to know from the start that God didnt give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7
i realised that we tend to pray for something that we have already received. something we have already prayed for. it's up to us to take the first step or not. it's up to us to use the gift that He has given us. really. it's up to us. we can pray over and over for the same thing, like keep praying for courage but still dare not to go out to share the gospel. not to say it's wrong to pray for courage. no. please read the whole thing again! think about it.
why did i type this... cos last night God showed me that i'm in that situation right now. and once again God reminded me of the dead sea. I DON WAN!!!
God hates sin, but He loves the sinners. Like me.
he said, "remember...you don't have to be the best for God to give Him the best"
she said, "you don't have to repay me... just love me"
i'm so blessed...
YOU have made my world a better place
and i feel God saying, "You don't have to be the best for me, just love me"
I am the Way
Follow Me
And take My hand
And I am the Truth
Embrace Me and you'll understand
And I am the Light
And for Me you'll live again
For I am Love
I am Love
I, I am Love
where the sun never dies..
i've been noticing the sun lately... so beautiful~
it feels so good just admiring the beauty of it and the surroundings..
so peaceful. i likey.
God's creation is so breathtaking...
one of the best
no one ever treated me like how she does
she encourages me when i feel like i'm incapable
she shows me the real meaning of contentment
she...makes me full most of the time
she is my... *ahem* manager.