unbelievable

few years ago i was shocked when i heard the news of a relative passed away.

few years later again i was shocked when i heard the news of a friend being murdered.
i didnt dare to go to the funeral.
though we werent very close friends but it affected me a lot.

it was too late to regret.
my mind was all about "i should've done this" "i should've done that"
but nothing can change the fact.
took me a while to accept it

then there was this 'drama'.
i cant believe i've been living with it for 5 friggin' years.
but they were 5 AWESOME years alright
cause i wouldnt be who i am today if those 5 yrs didnt happen. scary.

then i realised some things that i find it the hardest to believe.
like God's forgiveness and His love for me.
i'll never understand.

few nights back, i was thinking and ,....in the end i was thanking God for everything that i have NOW.
i have a bed, my own room, clothes, internet, food...etc
i realised that i am far beyond blessed!
i mean... i actually have MORE than what i need.
uh...

and uh... after hearing the sermon by Ps Jerry about realise, repent, and return
i guess i really needed that
but i've always taken God's forgiveness for granted
and it makes me feel like the stinkiest crap ever.
but i thank God cause He didnt give up on me
even when it seem impossible but He made it possible
its....indescribable

i just wanna tell you, God, You deserve my best. =)

it's time to selah.