you've just been poked.

Dear mom,

I have never had a proper talk with you, seems like it? I do have alot to say to you but I just do not know where to start. So uhm... here it is. I doubt you are going to read this. Ah well.

First of all, I am truly sorry for my wrong-doings for the past 17 years. I know that I have been rude to you in some ways that I myself sometimes may not realise it. Somehow I would talk back and show my temper when you scold me for coming home late at night or probably after I went out the whole day without calling home. I know you are always worrying about me. I am really sorry about the misunderstandings that happened way too much til I could not gain your trust back. But I will someday and prove to you that I am not always doing useless stuffs. I do learn. Everyday.

I have something to tell you. I have found a purpose in my life! And that is God! God has been awesomely awesome to me cause I am blessed everyday. But most of all, I AM LOVED! I want to love Him too, mom. I want to be like Jesus. I want to be a better person. (but I failed to show -- always the wrong way) Anyway, I still love you. I still love you and daddy. Because through him all things were made -- me, you, daddy and all the people on the earth; without him nothing was made that has been made. God created us. He first loved us. But we turned away from Him and He hid Himself from us. Then God sent Jesus to die for us on the cross to cleanse us from our sins. We rebelled against Him and yet He still loves us! Through Jesus Christ we now can have a close relationship with God once again! But not only that, we also will have eternal life if we believe in Him.

"I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life." (John 5:24)

How great is that huh... I remember you talked about Jesus died for us on the cross when brother asked on Easter Day. You know that since long ago but why are you not taking it seriously? HE DIED FOR US! For goodness sake. Do you not believe? It is a matter of life and death. He died and rose again. He will come again on judgement day. That is when people on this earth will be separated -- either to heaven or to hell. Do you not fear God?

No, I am not trying to and will not force you to be a christian. But I am just trying to get this truth into your head. I seriously hope and pray everyday that you will accept Jesus Christ in your heart one day. Same goes to daddy and sisters and brother. Because God told me that if one person in the family is saved, each person in the family are saved. I am waiting for the day comes which we will serve and worship the Lord together. In one family and not just me going to church alone.

I must admit that I do not know God that well.....yet. I am still learning and understanding the Word of God every single day of my life. Perhaps you might think that I am talking bullshits or whatever cause I have other intentions but NO! I have experienced God before. He comforts me whenever I am sad and lost. Most importantly He changed my life. I used to be in darkness with no one to trust. I used to hate. But God taught me how to love. Because you know what? God is Love! I have felt the warmness of His touch. It is always so overwhelming. I did not say this just to convince you to be a christian but whatever that happened to me is real.

However, everything I have said before does not mean I am perfect. I am never perfect. And yet God still loves me for He knows who I am and He understands me in every way.

Same goes to everyone. Christians are not perfect. They are all in the process of growing up in the kingdom of God. Which including my friends too. Talking about friends, you seem to be having a huge misunderstanding that my friends are bad. Frankly I think my friends are awesome. It does not prove anything whether I go out with them the whole day or til late at night if you do not know them AT ALL. I know you are right in some ways that I should not be going out that long whatsoever but what can I do just by sitting at home everyday? What can I get anyway? Seriously you would not want to watch me grow in this house til I get old and all I earn is dust. I am just any other teen who is still learning. And we do not learn in school only. I do not think I will regret cause I have known and seen this world and it cannot be trusted. No where on earth is safe. God has said, "It is better to have trust in me than to put confidence in men." I have also known that in whatever I do, something will always come my way and ruin my plans. I was hurt. But I feel safe when I think of Him. I feel safe in His presence. I was weak, mom. Very. But God has made the difference. He is always there for me when I think I have no one to turn to. He knows me well. He knows just what I need or want.

Found love beyond all reason
You gave Your life Your all for me
And called me Yours forever
Caught in the mercy fallout
I found hope found life
Found all I need
You're all I need
The time has come
To stand for all we believe in
So I for one am gonna
Give my praise to You
Today today it's all or nothing
All they way
The praise goes out to You
Yeah all the praise goes out to You
Today today I live for one thing
To give You praise
In everything I do
Yeah all the praise goes out to You
All we are is Yours
And all we're living for
Is all You are
Is all that You are Lord

I really hope that you will understand my situation now. I need support from you and others.

~I love being beautiful in the eyes of the Lord~